Noble Savages and Trusted Good Gentlemen of Leisure,

While watching the ever soothing blue/green glow of
the vox populi last night I found myself greatly
annoyed and increasingly frustrated at the repeated
utterance that “most Americans don’t really know who
John Kerry is.”

The bobble-heads that make up our media McDonald’s
news community kept saying this over and over, ad
nauseum, Ad copy, back to ad nauseum. Apparently,
there is an unwritten rule in big boy, big league,
network journalism that if something has been said at
least twice, by anyone with a mike, then it must be
true and, thus, worth repeating as an accent aigu to
your 20 second news vingnette; sort of like the way
Telemundo soccer announcers speak out a sponsor’s tag
line every time the product is mentioned. “Este
partido de Chivas contra Monterrey patrocinado por
Butt-whiserrr; siempre refrescante, siempre!” …or
in this case, “Senator John Kerry spoke at Cape
Canaveral today, in large part to reverse the trend
that most Americans still don’t know who John Kerry is
or what he stands for.” “Siempre!”

Can we be that base? Are we merely at the trough of
this heinous televised wave, ready to bust the
proverbial bottom-turn and rise up to a triumphant
off-the-lip, sticking our ass out in mockery at our
intellectually anchored anchormen and anchorwomen? I
surely hope so. I pray it so, but I doubt it.

How hard can it be to look up something that is all
out in the public record. Is it that difficult to
open Google and type in “Senate Voting Record.” I
tried this today and got over 666,000 hits. How hard
is it to type in www.JohnKerry.com? Not very
difficult, even with the “J” and the “K” in caps.

How hard is it to flip channels and find something
that speaks in great detail on Kerry’s voting record
on matters of great import like, for example, the
Prescription Drug Benefit Bill, or the environment, or
a woman’s right to choose? Next to impossible.

By contrast, want to know about the color of Ashton
Kutcher last bowel movement? Certainly! What day of
the week would you like to inquire about? Would you
like to be thoroughly schooled on the day that Lucy
Liu kissed a shoeless guy at a hospital in Burma? Of
course! We have a two part series for you.

In closing, dear Elois, I find myself thinking back to
the prophetic words and the young voices of England’s
own Ned’s Atomic Dustbin. If ever something deserved
to be killed, gangland style, seven times in the
chest, it most certainly is our television. Kill that
bitch.

…now can someone help me dispose of the body?

-e-