Alright, not to make this into a nobot-meets-Martha
thing, but the poor lady is on her way to the slammer.
Consider this a tribute to all things M.Stewart,
courtesy of this nobot.

Here’s what you need if you want to make some tasty
pasta in a way you have probably not had:

• Three pans — a good sized saucepan, a big pot for
  boiling water, and a skillet

• Couple of tablespoons of olive oil
• Two cloves garlic, crushed, pulverized, mertilated
• Half a spoonful of oregano
• One onion, diced up
• A big (28oz) can of diced tomatoes (no fancy flavors, numbskull)
• Some fresh basil, chopped up into 1/2″ or so
  squares

• One jalapeno pepper, de-seeded, and minced
• A green bell pepper, julienned
• A dozen or so mushrooms, sliced thick
• 1/2 lb PORK italian sausage (don’t cop out and use turkey you wuss)
• Some pasta — 1/2 lb is enough

Now here’s what you do with it:

• Fill the big pot with water, put in some salt, and
  put that sucker over a big flame. We need that water
  boiling!

• Into the saucepan, pour in the olive oil. Put the
  heat on medium to medium high. Get it hot — but not
  too hot — and put in the garlic and oregano. The
  smell after 10 seconds should be making you REALLY
  hungry. If the garlic starts to burn, it’s too hot.
  Start over.

• Once you’ve decided you’re so hungry you have to
  start snacking, put the onion and chopped jalapeno in
  with the garlic. Now that’s livin’. Let them mellow
  in there for a while until the onion starts to soften
  up, then pour in the can of diced tomatoes.

• Put the heat under the sauce on medium, and stay
  focused. You want this sauce to cook down now — the
  flavors need to get to know each other, and with the
  tomato water evaporating, things get more intense.

• Into the skillet goes the sausage. Get that pan
  nice and hot — no need to be nice to that meat. The
  crunchier the better.

• Now here’s the secret: Put the bell pepper and
  sliced mushrooms in the hot pan with the sausage. Pay
  attention to it and stir it around occasionally.

• At some point, the water will start boiling. Now
  is a good time to cook your pasta.

• Once the mushrooms in the sausage pan start to get
  little singed edges, you know you’re doing it right.
  It’s not long now.

• 95 seconds before you can’t stand waiting any longer, mix the fresh basil into the now thick sauce.
• Once the pasta is cooked to your liking, the sauce
  is begging for mercy, and the sausage/bell pepper/mushroom
  mixture looks like it’s spent the day on the sun without any Coppertone, it’s
  time to put it all together and eat up.

Personally, I like using spicy italian sausage, and
keeping the sauce fairly mild. The jalapeno doens’t
really add heat to the sauce as much as flavor. If
you want things really hot, put some crushed red
pepper flakes in with the garlc in the beginning.